Toddler Etiquette

Here's a list of important social lessons I've had to teach my own Sweet Baby Girl:

1. Don't spit on Grandma's kitchen floor. No, really, I don't care if it's fun.

2. Don't point at someone you've just been introduced to (or even just happened to notice in the supermarket checkout line) and announce dramatically, I DON'T LIKE HIM!! It's ok not to like people, but it's not nice to tell them in a really loud, tragic voice.

3. Don't spit in the swimming pool. Again, even if it IS fun. Don't.

4. Watching TV while buck nekkid is fine, and so is playing in the kiddie pool. But we wear clothes to the bank.

5. Don't pick your nose and hand the result to Mommy. Give her a little warning, at least, ok?

6. Don't lick ketchup directly out of the shiny little cup that the waiter brought it in. And don't put that cup over your mouth and inhale so it stays there, looking like a little silver pig snout. No, it's NOT funny, Mommy was laughing at, um, something else.

7. We don't drink sauce directly out of the little cup, either, dear, we dip food in it first. No, not your napkin. And eat the food, too, dear, don't just suck the sauce off the food and dip it back into the sauce.

8. Use a spoon for ice cream, not chopsticks.

9. No, I don't care if the dog stole your ice cream when you dropped it. Let her have it, sweetie. No, you can't get it out of her mouth, it's Lucy's now.