Sunday, March 12, 2006

Feelin' Ranty

Some days, I just have a whole array of things to kvetch about:

1. Why does a Mother's Day Out progam have to have a Spring Break? So the kiddies can have a break from all the pressure of coloring and learning to share three days a week? What about the mothers? Won't anybody think of the mothers? When do WE get a spring break?

2. Why does it have to be the same week that we're preparing to move, even though we've been preparing to move for two weeks now, during which time my kitchen has been packed up and 90% of my clothes are packed?

3. Speaking of clothes, why do women's clothes manufacturers hate all women who aren't made of coat hangers? We all know about the stupid sizing issues, fit problems, the impossibility of finding pants that fit and, dear Lord, do they always have to add a tag scratchy enough to raise a rash? Men don't put up with this shit, why should we?

4. What is my husband thinking when he invites people over for dinner tonight and then tells them not to call to RSVP during naptime, which is 1:30 to 3:30?

5. How is it possible that we've owned dogs for more than a decade, cats for another decade before that and have been parents for over a year and the man still freaks out if he gets shit on his hands? We're not talking about mere disgust here, he gets all panicky and snappish and expects me to rush around with wipes or something in order to do something about this obvious emergency!

It's tempting to commence an immersion program to help him deal with this issue: henceforth, all poopy situations will be handled by him. If he's at work, he'll be summoned home immediately or the poopy will be preserved until he can be present to deal with it.

6. a. If I had a Great Dane, I'd train it not to shove its nose into people's butts and give a big, noisy sniff.
b. If my hypothetical Great Dane did that anyway, I wouldn't say, well, he's the right height for that, to the person looking startled afterward. Something more like, whoops, sorry, heh heh heh, instead.

I'm just saying.


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