Monday, January 30, 2006

The Fight Against Perfection

Every mother I know struggles with the same problem: how to cope with the relentless, grinding guilt we get absorb on a daily basis for screwing up our kids. Dr. Freud made it clear that our kids will be hopelessly neurotic adults not only because of all the mistakes we make, every day, but also just because of who we are

This makes me mad: first, I have enough problems without adding an assload of mother guilt and self-loathing to the mix. Second, mothering is fucking hard. Yeah, sure, joys of a child's innocent smile, etc, but, the unending, tedious business of looking after small children is enough to drive most adults out of their damn minds: sippy cups, poo, snacks, whining, drooling, pee, "No! No! Nooooo!" If you're an introvert like me, you add the part about having this little person (an extrovert herself, of course) who is in my face every waking minute of the day.

This blog is going to be where I vent about this stuff. Sure, I could do the same thing in a private journal but I've read my journals and, without the idea of an audience to keep me on my toes, I tend to write on and on and on, getting ever more depressed and pissed off, awash in the sort of self-pity that your average maudlin 16-year-old would find embarassing.

Because, the truth is, my life is pretty damn good. Wouldn't trade with anyone.


Blogger John Cowan said...

In fact "adequate parenting" is better than so-called perfection. I've seen several kids now that have problems using language because their mothers were "telepathic", able to figure out what the kid needed so accurately that he or she never needed to use words to express those needs. Speech therapy overcame those particular problems, fortunately.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Julia Woods said...

Hee! I'm quite sure BabyGirl's verbal abilities are coming along so quickly because she's been frustrated at seeing the Huh? look on Mom and Dad's faces so much of the time.

And I'll be happy if I manage to be adequate since I'm in no danger of being a "telepathic" mom.

9:09 AM  

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