Scenes From Life With Two-Year-Old

Scene 1

POM: Hey, honey, hold that cup of granola upright, please...
[Sweet Baby Girl spills some granola]
POM: Oops. Can you pick that up, please?
[SBG looks at granola, looks at mom, looks back at granola and dumps it on the couch]
POM: Ok, we're gonna have to pick that up NOW.
SBG: No!!! I don't wanna!! [Sweeps spilled granola onto floor, under sofa cushions]
POM: Fine, then, no more cartoons.... [Turns off TV, commences granola clean-up]
SBG: NOOOO! WAAAAAH!

Scene 2

POM: In five minutes we're going to go upstairs for quiet time. Ok, honey?
SBG: Ok.
[Five minutes pass, we play pleasantly]
POM: Five minutes are up, time to go upstairs.
SBG: I don't wanna! No!
POM: Yes, sweetie, let's get your blue pillow.
SBG: NO! I wanna watch cartoons!
POM: No, it's time to go upstairs...
SBG: [thinks a moment, screws up face to cry...]
POM: If you don't cry, we can watch cartoons AFTER quiet time.
[SBG considers this]
SBG: [slowly] I don't wanna.
POM: I know you don't, honey, but let's get your blue pillow and we'll-
SBG: NO!
[and so on...]

Scene 3, in a restaurant, at a table
SBG: I don't wanna sit there, I wanna sit with Mommy!
[POM directs pleading look at Daddy]
Daddy: Hey, sit with me, I haven't seen you all day.
SBG: No! I wanna sit with Mommy!
POM: You can sit with me until the food comes, then you have to sit at your own place.
[SBG climbs into lap, grabs fork, waves it around in the vicinity of Mom's eyes]
POM: No, honey, give me that.
[SBG sulks, brightens up when waitress arrives]
Daddy: I'll have beer
POM: Me, too
SBG: I want beer!
Waitress [smiling]: She's so cute.
[POM, Daddy smile wanly]